If I can do it, so can you.

Losing weight is so so difficult. You’re tired, and achy, and sore, and hungry for things you can’t have all at the same time. Adjusting to new diets is hard enough, little lone starting to work muscles and parts of your body that you never have before. At first, the only reason I wanted to do it was because I wanted my best friend to not think I was huge. I wanted to be as tiny as him.. Maybe if we took pictures together, we’d look like a normal pair? But then, I wanted to do it to get a boyfriend, &To fit into my perfect little skinny jeans at Aeropostale, or American Eagle, or hey, if I’m lucky, maybe even Hollister. But now it’s different. I’m not doing it for ANYONE. I’m doing it for ME. At first, I didn’t know what to do this summer to lose weight, now I don’t know what NOT to do. When I first found out I had to take algebra, I decided to ride my bike home everyday- Which is a 3 mile bike ride. Which in a week, totals about 15 miles. I don’t ride on weekends because of how busy the roads are. So, the sucker point? .. Next week is my last week of algebra, &I haven’t noticed ANY change in my appearance. I mean, my friends have. But I don’t see a change in the least. So, I’m stepping it up a notch. The only food I’m allowing myself to eat is salad. That goes for lunch, and dinner. No snacks, and if I want breakfast it has to be a Special K bar. After algebra, I’m stepping it up to 6 miles a day- Who knows, maybe 12? I’m thinking of stepping it up to 12. 6 miles a day = 30 miles a week. 12 = 60. .. Yeah, I’m ‘thinkin 12. I want results. Fast. I’m growing impatient, I just want to love myself &I’m running out of time. If I have to go to extreme measures, then so be it. I don’t care. At this point, I’ll do anything. I’m going to keep this up until I’m happy- Even if it means riding my bike and all during the upcoming school year. I’m in this for the long run- No turning back now. I’m totally commited, &I’m not gonna stop.

d3cember asked: I posted a secret. Does it count if there isn't a picture?

Yeah:)

So this is my favorite band. They’re a christian rock band named “Skillet” Listed below are my favorite songs by them &Why I love them, <3.

• Believe: I lied, okay?
• Better Than Drugs: Describes how someones love is like their drug. :) Reminds me of times when I was in love, &Of other songs. Such as: “Your Love Is My Drug- Ke$ha”. Also, when Edward told Bella she was his heroin in Twilight. :)
• Comatose: My ex best friend told me that this song was how he felt about a girl. Keep in mind, that when he told me this I was in love with him. So now whenever I hear this, I can’t help but think of him. 
• Dead Inside: When Dwight left me. 
• Don’t Wake Me: That dream you have that you don’t want to wake up from, and then you wake up from it not knowing how it’ll end. It’s basically just saying, please don’t wake me,<3.
• Falling Inside The Black: Reminds me of when i feel like I’m going to give up &”Fall into the black” or in other words, fade away. I love this song- It’s got me through some serious times during my life.
• Forgiven: To all of the cheaters.. </3 *ehem* Michael Austin Plichta.
• Hero: For all families who’ve lost family in the war, etc, this is for you. It also makes me think of the times when I needed someone to come save me, to be MY hero. It’s beautiful. &I love Jen’s backup vocals in it!
• It’s Not Me It’s You: It really is. Get the bug out of your ass. :p
• Live Free or Let Me Die: In other words, everyone deserves freedom.<3
• Looking For Angels: Makes me believe that angels do exist, &That everyone has a guardian angel looking out for them.
• Lucy: To everyone who’s ever lost someone they loved, I’m sorry. This song describes someone who lost the love of his life- &His struggle</3 It’s beautiful.
• Never Surrender: This song describes the way I feel about my appearance, and simply couldn’t be described better. It’s gotten me through the toughest of days and I know that more people with the same problem as me will find this song a hugge help:)! It saved me, in all honesty.
• One Day Too Late: Live each day like it’s your last.
• Rebirthing: This song brings me back to a time where I had no faith in myself. “Rebirthing” tells the story of a girl who decides to keep trying, and to not give up, because she’s in love. Basically, it was my lifes story at some point in time.
• Say Goodbye: Reminds me that sometimes, even though saying goodbye is hard, things always get better. This song reminds me of when I broke up with my ex boyfriend, Michael. It brings back memories of how in denial I was and how depressed I was- But by the end of the song, I can remember after it was all over, how much happier I was. :)
• Should’ve When You Could’ve: Makes me think of the years I wasted on a guy, &How he should’ve chased after me when he had the chance.
• Sometimes: When I get pissed off, watch out.
• The Last Night: Reminds me of one of my best friends, Megan Canonica. Hun, I’m always going to be here for you. It’s all going to be okay. I promise<3. I won’t let you fall.
• The Older I Get: Dwight. All I can say is Dwight..
• Those nights: Makes me think of good times with my close friend Layna, when we’d ‘stay up late and talk all night in a dark room lit by the TV light, through all the hard times in our lives- These nights kept us alive.” I miss you, <3.
• Will You Be There: “Will you be there- As I grow cold? Will you be there as I’m falling down?” Well…?
• Whispers In The Dark: Relates to me when I’m upset &Want someone to notice. Amazing amazing song:)
• Would It Matter: “If I wasn’t here tomorrow, would anybody care? If my time was up, I’d wanna know, you were happy I was there.” When I get upset, I ask myself “Would it matter?”.. Over &Over. This song turns my thoughts into lyrics :)
• Yours To Hold: Dwight, I was always yours. I promise.. &I always will be.

              If you listen to this song while you read this, it sets the mood. :D 

                            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J95rAr0gOFU

                                                   do it do it do it!

I am not a follower nor a leader, but some things I find necessary to add onto. All of my friends on here so far, have made posts about their best friends. So I find it only to be appropriate to post something about mine. Patrick, if you’re reading this- I’m sorry. I know that you feel we should already know we’re best friends &Shouldn’t have to write about it every second of the day, blabla. &I’m sorry if this annoys you. It’s not my intentions.

So my best friend, isn’t quite your typical best friend. Most best friends are the friends you can hang out with every friday night, watch movies, stuff ice cream down your throats&Laugh at stupid things like the song “Alejandro”. Some, however, aren’t as fortunate. We all have the fantasy of having a best friend we meet in grade school and are friends withuntil we die. The type of best friend that will run over to you house with gallons of ice cream after a break-up, the type of best friend that already has agreed to be your maid of honor/best man at your wedding- Even though you’re only 14 years old. Things like that are the things that mean the most. But what if you don’t have that stuff? What DOES mean the most to you, then? 

                                             »Simple: Love. Strong, undying love.

My best friend &I don’t have the luxery of being able to hang out every Friday &All. In fact, our happiest moment is when the other one is online, or when the other’s phone is charged &On them. He moved, and now the only time we really talk is online or through text message. It sucks, but our bond is still strong.

                So Patrick, this is for you. &For our friendship still standing strong.

  You are my little brother. I don’t care if we have different mommabears and pappabears, because it doesn’t feel like it. I’m so super protective of you, &It’s not even funny. I get jealous so quick when new people come into your life, I get so afraid sometimes that they’ll be your new best friend. I know I probably sound ridiculous, because I’m your one &Only best friend- But, I know how quick it is when people meet a good friend for them to want to be closer to them. &I know how hard they’ll fight to make them theirs. I would know, because I did that with you. I feel bad for “taking” you from _______ sometimes, but I don’t regret it one bit. I’d be completely lost with you.

You’re my; safety blanket when I feel like falling, the light in my room when I’m scared of the dark, &The other half to my big and lonely heart. I mean it form the very bottom of my heart when i say this- But I love you Patrick, so soo much. There’s not thing I wouldn’t do for you. I’d take a bullet to the heart if it meant you’d be okay. If you had an illness, I’d buy you flowers everyday until you were up and running again. I may even go on a roller coaster with you this summer, despite how scared I am of them. I’d do it for you- I’d do anything for you. 

           Anything to help you not feel so alone, &Anything to keep you breathing.

You’re so so funny. You make a bad situation good, and you always keep me laughing. I don’t even know what to say- Except that you’re really something else brobro:) Our stupid jokes make me laugh so hard, just to think of them. No one gets them, which is the best part! Ehem, babaslabas.<3 -Giggle-

When i have a problem, I know who to go to. Certain things, however, I don’t tell you. But you can appreciate &Accept that, which I strongly admire about you. You’re so funny, you always make my bad days good- Even if I’ve never told you that. Some days, I just feel like crying and never stopping. Some days I get so mad I flip out on everyone and just want to give up. But you save me- Everytime. Even if I can’t talk to anyone else, I know that I can talk to you. So thank you, thank you for giving me the option of having you. As long as this option is in my possesion, I’ll never choose another.

When i get upset, I always refer back to this- If you don’t remember, you sent me this 60 page long text message one day when I was upset. This is the message typed.

“He let me get close to you. And that’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re my best friend. You’ll never stop being it either. I hate to see you down and crying and pissed off at the world. But that’s life, but some things you should follow your friends with, they make you who you are in ways. And honestly, you’re beautiful. Inside and out. And any guy would be lucky to have you. Like, extremely lucky. I’m lucky to even be your friend. Your best friend. You can’t let anyone affect you Maegan, I look up to you. You’re like my sister, and even more than that. You’re like my daughter or something. I’ll always look out for you, and I love you with all my heart, and honestly, you’re someone I can relate to, I can go to you. Honestly, I’ve NEVER opened up to anyone as much as I’ve opened up to you. Maemae, we both know we can go to each other for everything and we can cry on each others shoulders, honestly.”

Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I’m always going to be here for you, &Support you in whatever you want to do in life. No matter what. I don’t think that you’ll ever fully understand how much everything you do means to me. I hope that this clears it up a bit, if not fully.<3

                                                              I love you, Patrick.

If you really knew me, you’d know that I have it good. But you’d also know that I don’t take it for granted. You’d know that I live everyday without regrets &I hope for the future. Yet, I’m scared of what my future will be. If you knew me, you’d know that I’ve never done anything really that I would find worth regretting- But I still find ways to bring shame upon myself for them. If you knew me, you’d know that I believe in laughter. That if you don’t laugh, you won’t find true happiness. I believe that laughter is the key to life, and if you don’t laugh, I’ll help with that- Believe me.<3 If you knew me, you’d know that my head lies to me. You’d know that when I look in the mirror, I see something totally off the charts of what I actually look like. &I believe it, some 99% of the time. But what you’d also know is how much I’m trying to change &how badly I want to. If you knew me, you’d know that the only reason I’m trying to change myself is to be accepted- By my best friend, friends, future lovers, boyfriends, future husband, future kids, and whatever else comes my way. You’d understand what it’s like to walk a day in my shoes. If you really knew me- You’d know that my best friend is my second self. &You’d come to terms with the fact that I don’t feel I’ll ever be worthy of his friendship. You’d know that I want him to accept me more than I want me to accept myself- But let’s be real, this is life, not a fantasy story of some sort. You’d know that I like to help people more than I like to help myself, and that giving advice is my job. You’d know that I write. A lot. &You’d know that I love it when people read my stories. You’d know that I don’t fish for compliments, &I’m not secretly an attention seeker. You’d just know that I want love. Real love. &You’d know who I want to love me. Oh, and you’d know the story behind it, too. But if you really, truly knew me- You’d know that I’m trying. So hard. To stop all of this, &To stop with the negativity. It’s hard, and I feel lonely a lot of the time, but if you really knew me, you’d know that I’m never really on my own.